[when janus comes back to town, it's been a year. much has changed in that time at mythian academy; staff turnover, a few more attacks by sylwia, who apparently just doesn't know when to quit. other hunters have come and gone, defending the school, and the academy still stands. blows have been traded both ways. janus has been listening to the clan council meetings with some interest, completing missions both peripherally related and completely disconnected from the ongoing war.
but when they get back into the seashore city in portugal, it's only to text eli and ask him if he wants to go get a croissant from these french expats running a bakery nearby.
they're sitting outside, when he comes. knowing it's not polite to order before your 'date' gets here-- and also rude to ingest nothing as long as one is on the premises of some establishment, they instead split the difference and got themself a cup of water. they're dressed all in black, as usual. t-shirt and jacket and trousers, a thin, monochrome figure squinting out at the late autumn sunshine.]
[ Eli has spent the year balancing school and work much the same as always, making brave attempts to put himself last, juggling his homework and contracts, and sometimes going away on weekends for special training with the Agency. He's tried to be cautious when it comes to the other students, especially, to focus on his job and not let himself get distracted, but... attachments have sneaked up on him, to say the least. A better lamb, for instance, would have less fun in his study groups. A better lamb would not have gotten even the slightest bit tipsy at a party in someone's dorm room the other night. A better lamb definitely would not get so fluttery and excited over something as simple as a letter, whereas Eli still has all of Janus's letters from the past year tucked in a box and stashed away in his dresser like some teenage girl with an awful crush.
Not that it's-- not that he's got a crush obviously. That's ridiculous, ha. Janus is just a friend, as though that attachment is any less of a problem in Eli's stupid world. (Also, for the record, he has a crush.)
That is all far back in his mind when he sees that familiar figure sitting at the outdoor table, their back ramrod straight and clothes black from head to toe just as they were the day Eli showed up in the library to help them write a poem. He can't stop the genuine smile that spreads across his face, or the warmth that spreads through his chest. ]
Janus, hey!
[ He almost sprints over to the table, doing an abysmal job of hiding his enthusiasm because he's forgotten to try. ]
[despite the fact that the meeting was entirely premeditated and arranged, janus is startled when the other boy suddenly pops out. it's partly because he's louder than janus expected. they had expected... they don't know what they'd expected. but they'd remembered being quiet and discreet with the other boy, in the months that they'd studied together.
but then a smile breaks out over their face, no teeth, as restrained as possible considering— considering. they want to be appropriate and respectful. it's how they are, when they're fostering a crush that they aren't quite ready to acknowledge. their letters have been that way, meticulously crafted and neatly lettered, full of carefully selected tidbits about seasonal storms and runaway parakeets, cuban food in miami, lovely finds on pinterest that they might eli might have. (they opened a pinterest account specifically to have something to talk about that wasn't murder.)]
Hello, Eli, [they say.] You look very healthy and very well. [they step away from the table and gesture for the lamb to come over, moving to pull out a chair for him. of course.]
[ Oh, Janus is smiling. Badum badum goes Eli's heart in his chest, bringing what certainly looks like a healthy flush to his face. ]
Thanks. [ He tries to put his own teeth away, bring his doofy smile down a few notches, but it's difficult when that compliment is so uniquely Janus. His eyes follow them to the chair and he doesn't quite know how to interpret the gesture but it feels very nice, so he takes the seat, tucking his hands between his knees. Wait, shouldn't he be doing the helpful things? It's his job and everything. ] And thanks again.
[ He's been reading Janus's letters just as meticulously as they were written. Sitting on the end of his bed with all homework, contracts, and knitting deliberately put away; gathering every word and trying to see the parakeets in his head, imagine the smell of the food. His own letters have been, well. Growing less careful. At first he triple-checked each sentence, sometimes reading them out loud to make sure that the appropriate level of acquaintanceship was being maintained from his end. Then he stopped reading aloud, and things started to slip through. A joke about the frustrations of a particular class, the slightest hint of hesitation regarding a new contract. Always something small, tucked within the letter in a way that didn't demand attention, but even so. It's a kind of honesty Eli can't share with most people--anyone, really, because he doesn't want to worry his dad and everyone else he knows is a potential contract or they work for the Agency. But with Janus... Well, maybe he shouldn't be so honest with Janus either. ]
You look good, too. [ Um. ] Well, I mean. Well. Sorry, if you've been waiting long.
I wasn't, [janus promises their friend warmly.] Punctuality is one of the traits that we share. [they pat eli's arm just once, gently, their sword-callused fingers catching very faintly on the weave of his sweater, but not enough to wound the garment. they pick up the menu and then turn it so that eli can see, leaning over to show eli the flan with a skinny forefinger.] They said if we order this, we should share it. That would work well for me, because-- I'm still trying to be health conscious, I suppose.
['trying.' as if they aren't religiously so. 'i suppose,' as if this wasn't always, forever true. and as if that entire thing isn't just a ridiculous excuse to share dessert that would provide janus with clearer clue and context, that this is a date. that eli thinks of it as a date. they sneak a look at him out of the corner of their eye, peeking at him under the curls, checking-- that the lamb knows what they're getting at, the implications that this is supposed to hold. the blush seems promising.
[ It is ridiculous, and Eli would give a rare, silly little snicker if the mental image of them both leaning over the table and taking bites out of the same dessert like a couple didn't jump up and hit him in the brain so hard. Janus... Janus realizes that's what it's going to look like, don't they? Maybe they do and don't care. Maybe health-consciousness truly is the only thing on their mind. Or maybe--
He tries to slide a sneaky glance of his own over to the hunter but instead of being subtle he only succeeds in locking eyeballs with them for a beat--a beat his heart decides to skip, by the way--before his attention shoots back to the menu. Oh god what is happening. Is Janus still looking at him? He wants to smooth his hair, just in case any flyaway curls are trying to make him look stupid, but he doesn't want Janus to see him smoothing his hair. ]
Um.
[ Nice one, Elijah. His brain feels like one of those bingo cages with all the numbered ping pong balls spinning around like crazy, and he has very little control over which one falls out of his mouth. Or maybe he'd just like to think that. ]
Yeah, sure. It-- that one looks great.
[ If a blush is "promising" then Eli is chock full of promise now. ]
[janus thinks they have the right of it. they aren't completely sure, but they've been less sure before. they think they are able to tell the difference between reluctance and interest, even when a person is trying not to be obvious about it either way. and that's the trouble, you know. elijah is so very polite, the real threat to accuracy of interpretation would be if he merely looked... polite.
they stick their hand up in the air and order the dessert.]
So how have you been? [they ask, once the waitress has stepped away. they regard elijah with familiar interest, their stare considerably more calm, relaxed than the color of their ears would suggest to be true.] I've been working a little. Adjustment was difficult. I miss going to lunch with everyone and tutoring with you. You were very helpful, and your teaching style is-- better than the way the Hunters teach.
[it's an entirely false comparison. eli would probably have a very difficult time pushing people to be the best murderers that they could. but janus thinks in terms of comparison and better-than, most of the time, and right now-- they wouldn't be anywhere but here. and that has to count for something.]
[ False comparison or not, Eli is warmed by the compliment and can't help but smile again. He misses tutoring Janus, too. He misses running into them in the hallways, talking with them face to face, hearing about their classroom successes, being their self-defense class assistant--he misses Janus. Saying as much out loud doesn't seem appropriate, though, even if this might be like a d... a daa... a daaate, okay, he said it. In his mind. ]
It's not the same without you.
[ The words are chosen with care, full of sincerity and a little Tennessee twang. He holds Janus's gaze until the end, and then becomes again quite preoccupied with the table. Maybe that was still too much. ]
Anyway, uh, things are good. The Agency got a pretty big contract lined up for me. It's a great opportunity, especially now. Anything that improves our relationship with humans is, you know. [ He shrugs one shoulder. ] The Agency says it helps.
[ Eli isn't on the front lines of the war, by any means, but he doesn't live in a vacuum either. ]
[war and elijah don't really belong in the same sentence, no matter how realistic and calm and super zen chill cool i know the world is bad place that janus pretends to be. when eli shares that, it makes the young hunter's whole demeanor sharpen a little. they look at him, managing to stop themself from asking too much too soon.
but sometimes, waiting a few seconds til your adrenaline spike starts to flow down the chart is all you need to do. they take a breath.]
I miss the Academy a lot, [they say. because you should; that's what you should do, when someone says that it's not the same without you. you talk about 'it.' you talk about missing 'it,' especially because it's true, and partly because— it's close enough to saying, i missed you too.] What is this new assignment about? [gently they ask.] Do you like the sound of it? Will you learn new skills?
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closed to eli;
but when they get back into the seashore city in portugal, it's only to text eli and ask him if he wants to go get a croissant from these french expats running a bakery nearby.
they're sitting outside, when he comes. knowing it's not polite to order before your 'date' gets here-- and also rude to ingest nothing as long as one is on the premises of some establishment, they instead split the difference and got themself a cup of water. they're dressed all in black, as usual. t-shirt and jacket and trousers, a thin, monochrome figure squinting out at the late autumn sunshine.]
no subject
Not that it's-- not that he's got a crush obviously. That's ridiculous, ha. Janus is just a friend, as though that attachment is any less of a problem in Eli's stupid world. (Also, for the record, he has a crush.)
That is all far back in his mind when he sees that familiar figure sitting at the outdoor table, their back ramrod straight and clothes black from head to toe just as they were the day Eli showed up in the library to help them write a poem. He can't stop the genuine smile that spreads across his face, or the warmth that spreads through his chest. ]
Janus, hey!
[ He almost sprints over to the table, doing an abysmal job of hiding his enthusiasm because he's forgotten to try. ]
It's great to see you!
no subject
but then a smile breaks out over their face, no teeth, as restrained as possible considering— considering. they want to be appropriate and respectful. it's how they are, when they're fostering a crush that they aren't quite ready to acknowledge. their letters have been that way, meticulously crafted and neatly lettered, full of carefully selected tidbits about seasonal storms and runaway parakeets, cuban food in miami, lovely finds on pinterest that they might eli might have. (they opened a pinterest account specifically to have something to talk about that wasn't murder.)]
Hello, Eli, [they say.] You look very healthy and very well. [they step away from the table and gesture for the lamb to come over, moving to pull out a chair for him. of course.]
no subject
Thanks. [ He tries to put his own teeth away, bring his doofy smile down a few notches, but it's difficult when that compliment is so uniquely Janus. His eyes follow them to the chair and he doesn't quite know how to interpret the gesture but it feels very nice, so he takes the seat, tucking his hands between his knees. Wait, shouldn't he be doing the helpful things? It's his job and everything. ] And thanks again.
[ He's been reading Janus's letters just as meticulously as they were written. Sitting on the end of his bed with all homework, contracts, and knitting deliberately put away; gathering every word and trying to see the parakeets in his head, imagine the smell of the food. His own letters have been, well. Growing less careful. At first he triple-checked each sentence, sometimes reading them out loud to make sure that the appropriate level of acquaintanceship was being maintained from his end. Then he stopped reading aloud, and things started to slip through. A joke about the frustrations of a particular class, the slightest hint of hesitation regarding a new contract. Always something small, tucked within the letter in a way that didn't demand attention, but even so. It's a kind of honesty Eli can't share with most people--anyone, really, because he doesn't want to worry his dad and everyone else he knows is a potential contract or they work for the Agency. But with Janus... Well, maybe he shouldn't be so honest with Janus either. ]
You look good, too. [ Um. ] Well, I mean. Well. Sorry, if you've been waiting long.
no subject
['trying.' as if they aren't religiously so. 'i suppose,' as if this wasn't always, forever true. and as if that entire thing isn't just a ridiculous excuse to share dessert that would provide janus with clearer clue and context, that this is a date. that eli thinks of it as a date. they sneak a look at him out of the corner of their eye, peeking at him under the curls, checking-- that the lamb knows what they're getting at, the implications that this is supposed to hold. the blush seems promising.
pink creeps up into janus' ears, too.]
no subject
He tries to slide a sneaky glance of his own over to the hunter but instead of being subtle he only succeeds in locking eyeballs with them for a beat--a beat his heart decides to skip, by the way--before his attention shoots back to the menu. Oh god what is happening. Is Janus still looking at him? He wants to smooth his hair, just in case any flyaway curls are trying to make him look stupid, but he doesn't want Janus to see him smoothing his hair. ]
Um.
[ Nice one, Elijah. His brain feels like one of those bingo cages with all the numbered ping pong balls spinning around like crazy, and he has very little control over which one falls out of his mouth. Or maybe he'd just like to think that. ]
Yeah, sure. It-- that one looks great.
[ If a blush is "promising" then Eli is chock full of promise now. ]
no subject
they stick their hand up in the air and order the dessert.]
So how have you been? [they ask, once the waitress has stepped away. they regard elijah with familiar interest, their stare considerably more calm, relaxed than the color of their ears would suggest to be true.] I've been working a little. Adjustment was difficult. I miss going to lunch with everyone and tutoring with you. You were very helpful, and your teaching style is-- better than the way the Hunters teach.
[it's an entirely false comparison. eli would probably have a very difficult time pushing people to be the best murderers that they could. but janus thinks in terms of comparison and better-than, most of the time, and right now-- they wouldn't be anywhere but here. and that has to count for something.]
no subject
It's not the same without you.
[ The words are chosen with care, full of sincerity and a little Tennessee twang. He holds Janus's gaze until the end, and then becomes again quite preoccupied with the table. Maybe that was still too much. ]
Anyway, uh, things are good. The Agency got a pretty big contract lined up for me. It's a great opportunity, especially now. Anything that improves our relationship with humans is, you know. [ He shrugs one shoulder. ] The Agency says it helps.
[ Eli isn't on the front lines of the war, by any means, but he doesn't live in a vacuum either. ]
no subject
but sometimes, waiting a few seconds til your adrenaline spike starts to flow down the chart is all you need to do. they take a breath.]
I miss the Academy a lot, [they say. because you should; that's what you should do, when someone says that it's not the same without you. you talk about 'it.' you talk about missing 'it,' especially because it's true, and partly because— it's close enough to saying, i missed you too.] What is this new assignment about? [gently they ask.] Do you like the sound of it? Will you learn new skills?